We are family!!
I think I'm actually going to change adresses to this blog again. I just don't want people looking at it! 'Cause if they do, it's not mine any more, I mean I don't mind all you bloggies looking, but that's because you don't know me and can't judge me on what I write. Like about my family, who are completely and utterly nuts!! So funny and yet so awful. A few nights ago in Perth, where my family live, my two Aunts decided to go out for a meal. They did and were having a lovely time. One of Aunts ecided to take the train home but the train wasn't due for twenty minutes, so, naturally, they decided to go for a quick drink. Everything was going fine and a bit later they were driving back to the station when Auntie Pippa remembered she forgotten her favourite scarf and left it at the restaurant. Back they drove and couldn't be arsed to go the long way round, so took a short cut round the back and over a curb they went. But just round the corner was a copper and breathalised Auntie Cait, who was driving. I can just imagine her saying 'Bugger!' As she was told she was over the 0.05 alcohol limit! After just getting her docterate in English, you can just imagine my Auntie Pippas indignity of having to sit in the back of a copper van! They were taken to the lock up and Auntie Cait was fingerprinted! Oh, I'm not very good at explaining this with as much humour as I felt, here's the letter from my Aunt Pippa:
Dear Mon
In the spirit of relaying family miseries:
Last night Pippa took Cait out to have dinner and a long talk and to
give her a break from their mother. They met at 7 o'clock at what
used to be the Council Club Hotel in Midland, but which is now called
7th Avenue Bar and Restaurant. (Actually the real Council Club burnt
down along with a number of other Midland pubs during a wave of
gentrification.) They were there for about three hours having a good
meal and a bottle of wine, and at ten o'clock it was closing so they
left. As Pippa's train did not go for another half an hour Cait
suggested they go to the pub near the station for another drink. That
pub turned out to be shut and Cait suggested they go to the
Woodbridge, so she drove them there and they had part of another
drink, sitting outside to avoid the karaoke. Then it was time for a
later train so they drove to Guildford Station. Cait was going to
walk Pippa to the train so they got out. Stupid bloody Pippa then
realised that she had left her good shawl at the Woodbridge so they
hurried back to the car and went to drive out of the station car
park. The problem was that when they got to the end of the car park
it was blocked with kerbing. This being no barrier to Cait, she drove
over it, apologising to Pippa, who said she would have done the same
thing. They proceeded in an easterly direction along James street for
about a hundred metres (you know what's going to happen now) when
they were alarmed to hear a loud siren and to see a bank of flashing
red and blue lights bearing down from behind them. Cait promptly
pulled over and two policemen approached the car and asked to see her
driver's licence. They asked a few questions, and just when we
thought they were going away they asked Caitlin to blow into the bag.
She did, and registered .178. Pippa tried to put in a plea for
mitigating circumstances but the cops weren't having any of it, and
both Cait and Pippa were transferred to a police vehicle, the rear of
which was specially designed for accused persons. That is, there were
no door handles on the inside, and no upholstery. The seats were low
buckets made of hard plastic. From the outside, the prisoners would
have looked like a sad dwarves, or losers, as their heads only came a
little way above the lower window ledge. A screen separated the
police from the prisoners. Cait banged on this screen to get the cops
to turn the music up when a song she liked came on the radio. They
did. Luckily the cops were also kind enough to drive by the
Woodbridge so that Pippa could retrieve her shawl. But their kindness
ended there, and Cait and Pippa were taken to the Midland lock-up
where Cait was finger-printed, photographed and charged and at about
12.45 a.m. both were released onto the streets of Midland. One
thoughtful cop had called a taxi for them and Cait told the cop there
was fat chance of a taxi coming to get someone from the Midland lock-
up at that time of night. As it happens she was wrong and a friendly
Egyptian soon arrived to take them both back to East Perth. Cait must
appear in Court on Tuesday and will lose her licence for somewhere
between three and six months and have to pay a fine of about $600.
It's now going to be a little more difficult to convince their mother
that she shouldn't be driving. Cait is also pretty miserable and
feeling fated. Pippa feels that she failed to predict such an event
given the circumstances leading up to it, and wishes she could have
prevented it. Sophia thought it was funny because the day before
Pippa had been telling her never to get in a car with a drunk. David
said the whole thing is their mother's fault.
Lots of love
Pip
I spoke to my cousin on msn the other day and she was uncontrollable with laughter at which she got promptly told off! I think the funiest bit was that she had being lectured only a few days before the fun night out about 'never getting into a car by a drunk!' I think the smug smile from cousin Sophia is assumed! Also Grandma had been in a car accident which was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY her fault, even though she entirely denied this fact. Another letter from Auntie Pippa: (Only a few weeks before their own fun night out!!)
Dear Mon
I am back at work, and was sitting bored out of my brain in a day-
long lecture from a tedious man who was being paid a fortune to
educate the assembled staff in the bleeding obvious, when a colleague
tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a yellow sticky note saying
Mum had been in a car crash and was in hospital.
So I called poor Cait, who had been called by the police, to say that
Mum had tried to cross a four lane highway outside Bunnings on Great
Eastern Highway, and had collected an oncoming van. She was alright
but had been taken to Swan Districts in an ambulance. The other
driver was slightly injured (possible neck strain), and Mum's car
written off and taken to the SGIO pound at 45 Casino Road Kenwick.
Sophia and I went and met Cait at the hospital, waited the requisite
three hours minimum, then got to see Mum whose face was swollen like
she'd been beaten with a star picket for several hours, and who had a
few cuts that needed stitching, but who was quite conscious and
already claiming it wasn't her fault. (Where's that star picket!) It
was all very aggravating. She seemed fairy unconcerned about the
other driver, and not quite aware that she no longer had a car and
was likely to lose her licence (if Cait and I have anything to do
with it).
They were going to send her home and Cait was all set to slit her
wrists but in the end they decided to keep her in under observation
and to administer pain killers. That was a relief. She looked shocking.
Well we had a crap afternoon (but better than the lecture) and Cait
and I amused ourselves by cracking funnies at Mum's expense to
Sophia's disgust and other people's amusement. (For example, a kid
who had been in the waiting room with her grandparents earlier on
came in to ask if we had seen her Nanna and we said no but there are
others here you can have if you want.) Sophia said that Cait and I
were like the evil twins and that if you had been there it would be
the evil triplets.
I will give you a call to fill you in on all the details.
David will deal with the police and the insurance thank god.
I would have taken a photo of Mum's face but the nurses might have
got the wrong impression. I will tell you more I when I speak to you.
Hope I haven't spoiled your day.
love
Pip
AWWW MISS THE FAMILY!! BONKERS ARN'T THEY??!!
posted by rockstar @ 11:25 PM
0 comments
